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Photo by Georgia de Lotz on Unsplash - Image by @upklyak on freepik

Toxic relationships are always harmful to our well-being and our growth, they cloud our view of what is normal and what is not, especially in our working environment. So here's a mix of some abuses...

- The sense of family -

While we are mostly at work to put some food on the table, our boss likes to insult the precious personal connection that is family, to his/her professional portfolio. It is therefore perfectly acceptable for our boss to deny us a decent work environment or the payment for working overtime (when our boss asked us to work overtime). In short, in his/her vision the « like a family » indicates above all that we have no value to him/her. As a result, we volunteer when it suits him/her. And if we try to negotiate, we betray the family (beware of cement shoes).

- Time flies -

Admitting that we are overworked and overwhelmed is no fun, and while we are happy to do what we do, let's face the truth: we can't keep up the pace indefinitely. Because in addition, of the time that we devote exclusively to our daily journey between home and work (and vice versa), our boss assumes that our hours are more than enough, while he/she is perfectly aware that we bring work home in the evenings and weekends, to meet the deadlines he/she promised (without consulting with us). Worse still, it is impossible for us to disconnect or relax on vacation, since our boss calls to find out where the document that was handed to them, before our vacation, is located, or to tell him/her on what date he/she has sent a specific e-mail. In short, any excuse is good to scuttle our vacation, but we should never dare to do the same.

- Gratitude to wipe the slate clean -

Gratitude is a wonderful thing in a decent work environment. Unfortunately, gratitude is often a form of plot, therefore, it is difficult to enjoy the delicious chocolates that have been given to us for the end of the year celebrations and/or for our birthday, when they are used as a compensation for working overtime (unpaid), for bonuses promised (but never received) or simply to try to make us forget a year of humiliation, lack of human considerations and respect. Some bosses go so far as to remind us that as workers, we are not in a position to complain because the company was generous enough to hire us. And when a colleague resigns or complains, management slanders him/her for their lack of gratitude.

- Be accommodating -

It is inappropriate and unprofessional for a superior to favour a colleague. But when we see that a colleague is never held responsible for his/her mistakes, his/her lies and the pressures that he/she perpetuates and that our boss covers for him/her or finds him/her defence arguments (such as the same family member whom died for the fifth time in the year), we have to face the obvious he/she is the favourite. And instead of seeing that it is difficult for us to be able to count on this colleague, our boss asks us to be conciliatory, whereas it is hard for us to note that we are not showed the same flexibility.

Our boss will never admit this favouritism, which is also the weakness of the company and its environment, since he/she will not see that some of our colleagues play on this facet. It is better to get around the problem, our goal is not to become the favourite but to develop his/her attention on the whole team.

- Pressure as motivation -

What a relief when we arrive at work and find out that our boss won't be there today (or longer). No need to worry about this human mine that randomly explodes, getting carried away for a non-respected instruction or a non-honored deadline (instruction and deadline existing only in the head of our boss and of which no one has knowledge of the tangibility). But that was without counting, on the fetish emissary of our boss, always happy to reprimand or torment colleagues (playing mini-boss, that's his/her thing). You can see colleagues being called lazy, incompetent (or worse), hearing professional third parties being bullied, and even customers being greeted with condescension, for no particular reason. Aside from the fact that it is morally unhealthy to treat people this way, these tyrannies do not improve performance. It is only a show-reel of his/her weakness and loss of control to submit to his/her will. When we stand up to him/her, he/she tries to speak louder than us (as if that was proving he/she is right) and/or runs away, because he/she doesn't know how to get the upper hand.

However, these behaviours should not be confused with the actions of a demanding boss, who has high expectations and who holds his workers responsible if they do not achieve common objectives (but in this case, deadlines and expectations have clearly been formulated in advance).

- Lack of communication is essential -

A lack of open and honest communication means drama is guaranteed: rumours, gossips, vague memos, abrupt changes (out of nowhere), a brief exchange improvised when you exit the bathroom (yes, even then). This is life in an office where it has been decided that even the smallest information is only to be shared when we are facing the problem, there is a feeling that all information is a weapon and that it is best to keep everyone in the fog and the ignorance.

- Above all, never face the problems -

Sadly, the sudden appearance or the surge of positive reviews for a business is rarely a sign that the business has learned from its mistakes, and started respecting its workers and customers, overnight. But the sign that it has appeased enough people to raise its rating. And since it's more difficult to set rules and a corporate culture than to write or get false positive reviews. A boss, who is completely obsessed with negative comments left on the web, will have no qualms about forcing us to stop whatever we do, to make us post positive reviews and to ask our friends and family to do the same (although the negative reviews were and still are deserved).

Our boss will also tell us that in case of negative feedback, we must let him/her take care of it. But when that happens, he/she refuses to meet the person, take the phone call, or answer the inflammatory email. He/she will prefer from the back of his/her desk, to dictate us what to say or to write to the dissatisfied person and to ditch it (he/she can thus deny any involvement in the response process).

Conclusions

The good news is that in a normal workplace, when this kind of context pops up, it can be resolved with a frank and serious conversation.

Naively, we might think that we are too sensitive, that our expectations are unrealistic, or that these dilemmas are harmless, but let's not be fooled, because these events can have a negative impact on our career and our mental health. We have the fundamental right to have a decent work ethic and to be treated with human dignity.

And if our demand is not heeded and nothing changes, it is time to look for a new job, where we can make the most of our abilities. Before the boss, who will not try to understand the root of the problem, opts for dismissal. Therefore, the faster we react, the faster we can move forward.

What do you think?