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It’s natural to want respect. After all, humans are social creatures, and we seek validation from others. However, it’s equally natural for criticism to sting and cause emotional pain at times…

- Research -

Scientists analysed the activity of 37 participants exposed to videos featuring people expressing positive, negative, and neutral statements related to core emotions. The findings showed that « criticism hurts everyone ».

While some comments or actions are genuinely offensive, if our feelings are often hurt or we frequently assume someone intends to harm us emotionally, it could indicate a tendency to take things too personally.

- Reasons -

It’s normal to care about what others think of us, but not to the point where it becomes debilitating. Here are some common causes of this tendency :

Negative self-talk : We might tell ourselves that we’re not good enough or that everything is our fault. This can make us more sensitive to criticism.

Childhood trauma : A lack of emotional support or repeated blame in childhood can create a sense of deserving ridicule or humiliation.

Low self-esteem : Low self-esteem leads to excessive worry about others’ opinions.

Anxiety disorders : People with social anxiety often fear being judged or embarrassed.

Perfectionism : Perfectionists, with their unrealistic expectations, struggle to handle criticism.

Stress or fatigue : Being stressed or tired makes us more likely to misinterpret comments.

Emotional sensitivity : A heightened sensitivity can intensify how criticism is perceived.

- Awareness -

Taking things personally can have hidden negative effects. Here are some signs to watch for :

Depending on others’ approval to feel happy.

Apologizing unnecessarily or constantly trying to please.

Struggling to set or maintain boundaries.

Avoiding saying « no » to unreasonable requests.

Internalizing harsh criticism.

Viewing mistakes as personal flaws.

Becoming defensive or angry easily.

Frequently replaying conversations, to the point they interfere with daily activities.

Rumination, in particular, can be demoralizing. It amplifies negative moods, hinders problem-solving, and can worsen anxiety or depression.

- Benefits -

As surprising as it may seem, there are positives to taking things personally. It can help our loved ones understand what hurts us, allowing them to adjust their behaviour to avoid causing offense in the future.

Additionally, feeling slight emotional pain can be an opportunity to develop resilience and learn how to better manage distress.

- How to stop -

Here are some techniques to reduce the emotional impact of criticism or perceived negativity :

Build emotional resilience: Strengthen our ability to bounce back from unpleasant remarks.

Give the benefit of the doubt: Consider that a comment may have been misunderstood.

Seek clarification: If a comment bothers us, ask the person to explain what they meant.

Let go: Try not to overthink others’ opinions.

Focus on our strengths: Regularly remind ourself of our qualities and achievements.

Practice mindfulness: Stay present to avoid dwelling on the past.

Keep a journal: Write down our thoughts to better understand our emotions.

Repeat positive affirmations: Replace negative thoughts with encouraging ones.

Seek professional support: A licensed therapist can help us develop tailored coping tools.

Conclusions

It’s normal to take things personally from time to time. However, if it becomes a habit, it can harm our mental health. Learning to distinguish between harmless remarks and genuinely harmful behaviour is key to maintaining our well-being.

Finally, if we’re experiencing verbal abuse or if someone deliberately seeks to hurt us, it’s crucial to reassess the relationship. Don’t hesitate to seek professional help to navigate such situations. Adopting a more balanced perspective can transform our interactions and strengthen our self-confidence.

What do you think?