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Some feel compelled to give us advice, because they think a shy person is looking for help and a silent person has no opinion. But unsolicited advice is also a domination attempt...

- Self-projection -

Often counsellors seek reassurance about their intelligence and/or skills, they need a listening ear and ours just happens to be the one available. This is why we become the target of unsolicited advice from family members and acquaintances or friends. Because they think they know us (better than us), and that we won't contradict them. When we realize that the advice is not concerning us, it's easier to dismiss it with a single thought and avoid following up on it.

- Discover the true intention -

Not all unsolicited advice are machinations. Therefore, it’s important to take a few minutes to think about a piece of advice before following it or rejecting it. So let's take a look at the motivation of the person giving us the advice (Is this a real concern? Is it an attempt of control/humiliation?).

For this, we need to ask additional questions to rule out a good advice from bad one (solicited or not) : Is the advice giver well intentioned? Have we heard this advice before (from someone else)? Is the advice factual or just an opinion? What would be the consequences if we followed this advice? Once the answers to these questions have been obtained, we will see more clearly.

- Cutting it short -

Those who give unsolicited advice do not expect us to challenge them, or to let them know that their advice is wrong, unwarranted and unwanted. This surprising confrontation will only make them uneasy. This is why it is desirable to quickly end an unwanted exchange. To do that, all we have to do is nod our head, smile, thank them diplomatically, and finally run away from them. Later, we will not forget that they are two-penny advice givers.

- Confrontation -

The problem with the previous tactic is that we are not honest (neither with ourselves nor with our interlocutor) and the advice giver (who does not take us seriously or puts their noose in our affairs when we’ve asked for nothing) will not change behaviour.

If we want a more direct approach, we can take note of the person's advice and specify that we will not follow it : « That's one way of looking at it, but I’m not buying it. My idea will work just as well, maybe even better » or « I would have asked you, if I wanted your opinion ».

If our goal is to end this relationship and these unsolicited remarks/advice for good, we need to get the message through calmly, firmly and without sarcasm : « I know what I'm doing and I don't need your advice ».

Conclusions

What is crucial is to react in a way that maintains our free will and does not give anyone power over us (the opinions of others are rarely worth more than our own). Let’s not shut down completely, either, and if sound advice seems consistent to us, we should not hesitate to follow it.

What do you think?