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One of the most misunderstood and misperceived practices is therapy. Yet it has the power to change our lives, it is essential for our growth and for healing some of our wounds. And although mental illnesses are strongly stigmatized, our mental health is important and detrimental…

- On the main lines -

Therapy is not just for people with mental illness, major trauma or phobia. It is not just a last resort when we are losing control of our life. It is also not a place for « crazy ones » (the offices are way too small).

It is a place of exchange to discuss openly with an impartial person. It is a place where we can (and should) confess everything (without shame, without embarrassment, without discomfort) or report anything that puts us in decline. It is a place where topics like trauma, grief, family issues, depression, and violence (in all its forms) are not taboo. It is a place to get to know ourselves better and to understand our choices in terms of our environment, lifestyle and career, but also to analyse our reactions to the world. It is a place where our feelings and emotions are heard, explained and/or validated. It is a place of healing and growth that can bring us relief and ultimately a better harmony.

- More in details -

Because therapy allows us to explore deep within ourselves, to get to know ourselves better and to heal ourselves (even if we didn't know we were hurt), even the most « perfect » person could benefit from it. Because there is no such thing as perfection and it is always possible to improve in some way.

Guilt, shame, embarrassment and a whole lot of emotional baggage are often what we carry as heavy burdens... But these loads and feelings are not always our own (even if they seem to be). They have been passed on to us (unintentionally and/or by mimicry) by our parental, friendly and professional environment.

Even if we are not comfortable discussing past memories or events, we can seek help and comfort from a therapist. This will ensure that we do not carry our insecurities, wounds and demons for the rest of our lives.

- Everything has a point of origin -

The surprising (and frightening) thing about therapy is that it forces us to dissect our personalities, our thoughts, our beliefs and why we behave as we do. Even more disturbing, we may discover that our beliefs are not our own.

If we grew up in a home where one or both of our parents were disinterested, detached, too demanding and/or too hard on us, this may have led us to believe that we were not enough, not good enough, not smart enough and/or inadequate. These beliefs will stay with us into adulthood, despite the fact that they are not true, even if we thought we did not believe them. Our thoughts, feelings and beliefs all have a root cause, and the therapy is a way to pinpoint these causes and pay attention to them so that we can decide which thoughts and beliefs should stay and which should go.

- The need to express ourselves -

Sometimes we have thoughts that we want to express, but we are not comfortable talking about them with someone close to us. It's not that we don't trust them, but simply that we don't want to burden them, or perhaps they themselves are involved, in one way or another, in this turmoil. Here again, therapists’ step in, offering us a listening ear, the wisdom to ask questions and suggestions that may provide us with another light and/or angle on things.

- The cyclic circle -

To put it simply, all our unresolved problems will continue to appear in our lives, until we resolve and/or correct them. If we don't choose to resolve them, they will not only persist, but they will repeat themselves and we may also pass them on and/or make them worse. Therapy helps us not only to identify these patterns, but also to fix them, so that the cycle ends.

- Deeper troubles -

Although the therapy is not only for people with severe mental health problems, it is also used for that. It is also a treatment method for depression, anxiety, obsessive-compulsive disorder and many others. Therapists and behavioural therapists have many solutions and exercises to combat these disorders.

- The needed time -

Where traditional psychotherapy may seem to be stretched over time, behavioural and/or cognitive therapy takes around 10-20 sessions. There are of course special cases : it will take longer to treat personality disorders, victims of violence (all types), those living in unstable conditions, those who may have difficulty changing their behaviour or facing reality.

- Choosing well -

The relationship between patient and therapist plays an important role in the success of the therapy. There are different types of accreditations, and the certifications of a psychologist will be different from those of a psychiatrist (the latter can prescribe medication, which is not the case for the former).

Our specialist's website should contain the degrees obtained and specialisations, information on the type of approach and any specific techniques.

In general, we can check the therapist's credentials on the website of the Ministry of Health in our country. Apart from that, online reviews can help us to orientate ourselves, being careful as therapy is a subjective thing and that a treatment may help one person but not another (and therefore make some people disappointed). Nevertheless, these reviews can help us to spot the warning signs.

Once we have made our choice, it is time to make contact. Even if we have found the person with whom we can feel comfortable and be heard, we should keep in mind that the first session can be a bit tricky. Many therapists offer free 15-minute consultations to get a feel of the situation and a brief summary of our expectations. During this session we can make sure that he/she is a good listener (if not, it's not a good start) and we have the possibility to ask questions (if we still have doubts about something and/or to get a better idea of the person in front of us) and to ask about the fees.

The conversation during the session usually happens organically, our therapist will ask us how our week went and then dig in from there. But we should never feel that our therapist is advancing their personal/professional goals. They need to set boundaries and maintain a professional relationship by limiting the personal information shared with us. They need to stay awake and alert throughout the session (during our session : they don't answer the phone or text messages and they don't stare out the window and daydream).

It is also during this first meeting that our therapist will be able to give us a (sensible) treatment plan in line with our problem (not a ready-made outline that he/she applies to all ills). We will need to agree on this treatment plan with specific goals and objectives, including strategies and even a time frame for achieving them. The length of therapy varies from person to person. It can take months or even years before we feel we have reached the end of our treatment.

Before we start the actual treatment, our therapist will need us to sign a consent document, which includes information about our rights and responsibilities, as well as theirs.

After a few weeks of treatment we should start to feel a slight sense of control and/or change. If not, it may be time to move on to someone else. Similarly, if it turns out that our therapist is only nodding and giving vague « I see » reassurance statements, if he/she is constantly watching the clock, if he/she talks more than we do, if he/she interrupts us very often, if he/she becomes intrusive or too physically close, if he/she does not seem to understand. If he/she does not respect our need to be comfortable and trusting, he/she will also not respect our goals and therefore the terms of the contract, so let's be firm and leave.

The therapy itself will be considered complete when we are confident that we have developed the skills and tools to deal with the emotional challenges that brought us there in the first place.

Conclusions

Whether we choose traditional therapy or behavioural and cognitive therapy, it can feel awkward to be vulnerable in front of a stranger, but in time the nervousness and discomfort dissipates. However, to reap the full benefits of therapy, we need to put our mental health in the hands of professionals. Only then can we deal with the roller-coasters we want to confront in our sessions and treatment. After all, therapy is expensive, so let's make sure we get our money's worth.

What do you think?