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Photo by Mina Ivankovic on Unsplash - Image by @upklyak on freepik

It would be naive to pretend that the past has no influence on us, because it shapes our conceptualization of life. And we are constantly invaded by the ghosts of the past, the good and the bad...

- The clay -

Where past hurts can constantly occupy our memories or distract us from reality, the person we were, what we experienced, and our past actions do not define who we are today. Identity is an idea that describes who we are, and above all we embody who, and what, we choose to be.

Not dealing with the wounds of our past can convince us that we are hurt, needy, losers, broken or incompetent, insidiously whispering to us that we will have to prove ourselves all our lives and do better than others... In short, demonstrate that we are survivors. It's like we're looking at each other through a steamy, mud-covered window. We must distance ourselves from these false identities, and see ourselves as we really are (and not as our past wants to define us).

- The trace -

Today, when we look back at how far we have come, we have the benefit of hindsight, giving us the opportunity to engage our focus and intentions to venture into the healing process.

All roads lead to Rome, but we are never truly safe from getting lost wondering about roads not taken or decisions different from those we made. Let's take care of ourselves and not waste time on this useless questioning, let's only choose the paths that will bring us closer to our true values.

- The ballast -

Remembering the past engages us beyond simple memory, we fully relive the elements that our being has recorded : the feelings are as real and painful today as they were at the time. Worse, we add our judgment for not having reacted differently, adding to our mental baggage. It is not possible to rewrite our history, we have no choice but to leave the past in the past.

It is important not to get bogged down in our stories of the past, not to become the victim of our judgments, this emotional poison will only add frustration, regret and anger to what we already feel. When we leave the reins to our wounds and memories, our vision of the world becomes limited and erroneous. Liberating ourselves involves entering the unknown, with an open mind, untainted by our past.

- Perseverance -

In our fast-paced society, we try to accomplish EVERYTHING in record time (from morning to evening). While it is important to slow down and take the time to do things well, and to validate the key aspects of our existence.

Every time our demons from the past come back, let's take a deep breath and take the time to understand what's going on within us. Let's remember that it is not necessary to always show the best version of ourselves. Sharing our doubts, our sorrows, our faults, our failures, our efforts and our struggles will allow us to live an authentic life in line with our true values.

- Let's be realistic -

Healing from our past does not mean erasing our memories or that we will never have to deal with them again. We have the right to wish our circumstances were different, but we must accept events as they are. In life, we will never have control over everything, realizing this can be terrifying and liberating at the same time. Only by accepting the circumstances or situations can we heal and stop blaming ourselves or others.

- Forgiveness -

One of the most effective ways to free ourselves from certain feelings is to forgive (ourselves and others). It is a slow process, which does not involve forgetting the harm done to us or reconnecting with the people who harmed us. This means identifying the circumstances that led us to this situation and understanding how not to repeat the cycle. All of our feelings and emotions are allowed to be expressed, but it is essential to let them go and leave us.

Let's sit comfortably in a quiet place with lights adjusted to our needs (with or without music). Let's breathe and let the tensions gradually disappear from our body. We can imagine that we are swallowing a comforting and energizing bubble, and circulating it throughout our being, to the extremities. Once, recharged by this force, let us let the things that bother us come, to understand why they bother us or harm us. We can say out loud that we forgive, but we must feel it as sincerely as possible. When we're done, let's breathe calmly and deeply before slowly reconnecting with the world around us.

- To see beyond -

We may encounter false beliefs that could obstruct the healing process :

We fear that forgiving would be an indicator that we approve of the harm that was done.

We cling to the need to receive an apology.

We are convinced that the injury is so serious that it will be impossible for us to heal.

The pain we carry validates who and what we are and feel.

And let’s not hope that the « I want to be happy one day » expect nothing from us. Today is the day we learn about this need :

Let's enjoy every moment that life offers us (the little things have more power than we think, when we pay attention to them).

Let's spend time with people who resource us and do us good, avoid as much as possible people who poison our lives so that they can feel better.

Alongside our professional lives, let's dedicate time to our hobbies and leisure activities.

Occasionally, let us float, if the need arises.

Let's express ourselves in a letter : It is important that it is handwritten. Let's describe what we felt in detail. Let's do this without restraint, if insults arise, let's write them down, as well as the feelings of pain, guilt, anger, disappointment, shame or disgust. Let us clarify that we consciously choose to leave the past behind us, that this event and this person no longer have the power to hurt us or define us, we are done! - This letter is only for our eyes, our heart, our soul and our mind. There is no need to pass it on or show it to anyone. We can bury it, shred it or burn it, and take advantage of this destructive action to get rid of the feelings that tug at us. And let's allow ourselves to move on.

Let's visualize a discussion : It is important to isolate ourselves for this exercise, because we risk appearing like lunatics. Solo, without possible interruption, let us offer ourselves the freedom to express out loud everything we feel, as if the person who annoys us or who has wronged us was in front of us. Impossible to cut us off, impossible to manipulate us and make us deviate from the common thread. Let us express with the truth of our feelings, and make peace with this exchange to move forward.

- Reset -

We must realize that the Tarot card of « Death » means above all that we must make changes (end something to free ourselves). If we don't believe it, let's remember that survivors of tragedies and traumatic events often find the strength to get back up and build a life more in line with their values and deep needs.

Coming up against an obstacle, an unpleasant situation, feeling at the worst of our physical or mental strength can lead us to believe that we are regressing on our journey, but time will prove that all this is just a necessary step. Subsequently, we will no longer be afraid of failure, because we will have found how to use our past experiences to get back up and move forward (sometimes without realizing it). So when everything is falling apart around us, we can meaningfully and thoughtfully choose which road we want to take :

What is important to us?

Where will we focus our time and attention?

Conclusions

The past is sometimes painful, but it is always rich in lessons. Let's learn to recognize them and allow ourselves to become who we really are. Obviously, this is not an easy thing and requires a lot of work and patience.

The process can be overwhelming and some people spend their entire lives trying to move on. It is best to make peace with our past, when we feel ready. This is in no way to absolve the people and things that have caused us harm, we do not have to renew a relationship with these people, this forgiveness is only intended to free us from the burdens they represent. It is not a magic solution and it requires a lot of effort to rebuild the relationship that is most important for us to be well. The one with ourselves.

What do you think?