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In our quest for success and happiness, we often conform to others' expectations. However, a more fulfilling approach lies in building our self-esteem on our own values, choices, and a deep understanding of our personality…

- Building -

When we start a new business that struggles to take off or post a video that doesn’t achieve the expected success, these experiences highlight a common issue : our self-esteem often depends on factors beyond our control. Even with the best plans, unforeseen events can occur : an economic crisis, unfavourable weather conditions, or unpredictable audience reactions. If we measure our success solely through results or external validation, we live in anticipation and risk emotional instability.

To overcome this, it’s essential to understand that our emotions naturally fluctuate and are beyond our direct control. When a bad mood arises, the most constructive response is to keep moving forward by focusing on what inspires us and gives us a sense of purpose. Instead of reacting to uncertainties, we should adopt a proactive stance, directing our efforts toward what we can control : our actions and our choices. This means living in the present, aligned with what we decide and do now, rather than clinging to uncertain outcomes or others’ opinions.

- Malleability -

Contrary to popular belief, our personality traits are far from fixed. They evolve based on our environment, experiences, and behaviours. While personality tends to stabilize over time, it remains malleable throughout our lives. Culture also plays a central role in shaping it, influencing how we perceive ourselves and interact with the world.

Personality directly impacts our well-being. Models like the Big Five or HEXACO can predict certain aspects of this well-being. For instance, in the Big Five model, high levels of neuroticism can harm happiness, while extraversion, in the HEXACO model, is associated with greater satisfaction. Learning to understand ourselves better is a key step toward cultivating lasting well-being. Our beliefs about ourselves influence our choices and shape how we face life, often in a self-fulfilling way.

- Our Values -

To live a fulfilling life, it is essential to live in harmony with our values and passions rather than striving to meet external expectations. This means taking back control of our self-perception and focusing on what truly brings us joy and meaning.

Take time to evaluate your daily activities : how many of them are genuinely motivated by passion and a sense of fulfilment? If some serve only to pursue uncertain future goals, it might be time to set them aside to prioritize what fuels your enthusiasm here and now.

- Tools -

Several tools and strategies can be particularly helpful in this process :

Personality tests : Tools like the MBTI (Myers-Briggs Type Indicator), Big Five, or HEXACO model can provide a better understanding of your character traits, strengths, and preferences.

Reflection journal : Keeping a journal helps track emotions, goals, and progress. It clarifies thoughts and keeps you focused on what truly matters.

Mindfulness and Meditation : These practices foster a connection to the present moment, reduce stress, and increase self-awareness. They also help manage emotions more effectively.

Coaching and Therapy : Working with a coach or therapist can help identify values and passions, overcome obstacles, and move toward a more authentic life.

Goal planning : Tools like the SMART method (Specific, Measurable, Achievable, Realistic, Time-bound) can clarify ambitions and structure efforts to achieve them.

Conclusions

Defining your own criteria for success, rather than conforming to those imposed by society or others, is a liberating act. It’s about choosing a life aligned with what brings you joy and fulfilment here and now, instead of chasing external ideals.

By living according to our passions and values, and developing a personality that supports our aspirations, we can cultivate lasting well-being and deep personal satisfaction. Taking control of your life means daring to live authentically, free from external judgments.

What do you think?