June 15, 2026
FOMO : MISSING OUT ON WHAT?
Photo by Mina Ivankovic on Unsplash - Image by @upklyak on freepik
Psychologists talk about FOMO (the Fear Of Missing Out). We could also translate that into the Fear to let something pass us by. But both phrasing seem incomplete. Because more often than we believe, what we truly fear is to miss with our own lives...
- The concept -
In the mid-1990s, researcher and marketing strategist Dan Herman was among the first to study this behaviour. He later published an article on the subject in 2000 in The Journal of Brand Management. According to Herman, the phenomenon evolved and became more prevalent with the rise of mobile phones, text messaging, and later the explosion of social media.
Long before the Internet became as deeply embedded in our lives as it is today, however, a similar phenomenon already existed : « keeping up with the Joneses » (no, not the movie). The expression referred to the tendency to compare our situation with that of our neighbours and to maintain a similar level of social, material, or financial success.
Patrick J. McGinnis coined the term FOMO and popularized it in 2004 through an editorial published in The Harbus, Harvard Business School's magazine, titled « McGinnis' Two FO's : Social Theory at HBS ». In that article, he also referred to another related psychological phenomenon : the Fear Of a Better Option (FOBO), describing how both influence social behaviour. While FOMO makes us focus on what we might be missing, FOBO can sometimes prevent us from making a choice at all.
So, social media did not invent these mechanisms, but amplified them. Never before in human history, have we had such direct access to other people's lives.
The problem is that we compare our everyday lives to the most rewarding moments of other people’s lives. We see their achievements (or at least the image they choose to present). We do not see the years of hard work, the false starts, or the failures. We do not see the tears or the disappointments. In short, we see the summit, but not the steps that led to the climb. This creates the impression that everyone else is living something important, while we remain standing still. Yet, reality if often very different.
And in a world where options seem endless, some people eventually become paralyzed by the fear of making the wrong choice. Yet choosing nothing is still a choice. Meanwhile, time keeps moving forward, making the cycle increasingly difficult to escape.
- The visible sides -
We start reading a book or watching a series, only to have people around us recommend something they claim is « better ».
We play a video game, but social media constantly presents the latest releases or criticizes the game we enjoy.
We are no longer facing a lack of choice. We are facing a constant excess of possibilities.
We create a piece. Then we discover someone who plays better, owns better equipment, or already has a large audience.
Little by little, inspiration can turn into comparison. And comparison can sometimes suffocate creativity.
Yet every creator has to start somewhere. Nobody is born with twenty years of experience.
A colleague gets promoted. An acquaintance changes companies. Someone else launches a business.
We compare our reality to the carefully curated showcase of other people's lives. The comparison is biased from the start, because we rarely see the price that success may have required : Overtimes; Failures; Re-evaluating oneself; Difficult decisions.
A gathering with friends. A birthday party. A photo posted online. And suddenly, that uncomfortable feeling appears : « Why wasn't I there? »
Every invitation we accept means declining another. Every evening spent with certain people is an evening that cannot be spent somewhere else.
The reality is unavoidable : Our time is limited, therefore it is worth dedicating it to ourselves and to the people who truly matter to us.
Should I buy or rent? Should I have children? Did I choose the right career? The right project? The right path?
We all go through periods of transition, doubt, or reconstruction. During those moments, these questions can become particularly overwhelming.
It is up to each of us to find OUR own balance. Sometimes it feels as though the entire world is moving forward without us, or that we have somehow taken a wrong turn. Yet, it is simply another form of progress… often invisible, but always essential.
- The hidden side -
At first glance, it may seem harmless. But digital platforms are designed to capture our attention. Each notification, each post, and each recommendation reminds us that something is happening somewhere. And, above all, that we might miss something unique.
Little by little, disconnecting becomes more difficult. We feel as though we retain complete freedom of choice, while constantly being pulled in multiple directions.
The paradox is that we often use these platforms to stay connected to others, even though they can sometimes disconnect us from ourselves. We are present everywhere. Except with ourselves, and except in the present moment.
Despite a theoretical right to disconnect, many of us find it difficult to step away from social and professional networks. Even though users are often aware, to varying degrees, of the risks associated with sharing personal information in spaces shaped by both algorithmic and peer surveillance, the pull to remain connected remains strong.
- A possible antidote -
What is the alternative to FOMO? Perhaps JOMO : The Joy Of Missing Out.
The joy of accepting that we cannot do everything. That we cannot be everywhere. That we cannot learn everything. That we cannot experience everything.
And, most importantly, that we do not need to.
Every time we say « yes » to something, we say « no » to countless other possibilities. That is not failure. It is simply what gives shape to our lives.
Some periods of our existence are not meant to be spectacular. They are meant to be useful.
There are times when we need : To Slow down; To Learn; To Heal; To Create; To Rebuild invisible foundations.
These periods rarely generate applause. They rarely produce impressive photos. But they gradually transform a life.
Major changes do not always happen during extraordinary moments. More often, they emerge through silent repetition. Through small daily actions. Through choices nobody notices. Through efforts that never appear on social media.
At some point, we stop enjoying what we are doing because we are too busy thinking about everything else, we could be doing instead.
Conclusions
FOMO constantly encourages us to look elsewhere. To wonder what more we could do. What more we could have. What our lives should look like.
By focusing too much on the horizon, we sometimes forget where we are standing.
Perhaps the discreet antidote to FOMO, could be JOMO : the Joy Of Missing Out. The joy of accepting that we cannot be everywhere and do everything.
Because ultimately, a life is not measured by all the experiences we could have had. It is built through the ones we actually choose to live.
Therefore, maybe the real question is not : « What am I missing? »
But rather : « What am I building? »
What do you think?
